Worry and other bug a boos

Halloween is a time for things go bump in the night, and other such hauntings. It is also nearing the end of a business year, and quotas not met yet lurk in dark corners like Mal's Wild things, or better described, the bogey man (men) .  I work hard, and always aim to exceed expectations, am not satisfied when I only meet them, and obsess when I cannot, or have not met them.

I do not work well scared. I thrive on encouragement , and praise for what I do right. Prodding me about what I have not accomplished, and brushing aside what I have makes me worry.  I do not do anxious well. It makes it hard for me to concentrate on  anything else, distracted by the little black cloud hovering over my shoulder.

In this economy one would be foolish not to be focussed on keeping their job. However I am thinking it is not healthy to live  in fear of losing it.  In fairness, I do not feel like this every moment, especially when I am exercising my sales skills with a client or prospect, but often enough (especially as the year comes to a close with too few new prospects lined up) for it  to be more than distracting. Not so much at work, but away from it. Which is precisely when I can do little about it.  I do not like to write of such concerns in this blog. I more enjoy airing my considerable array of opinions. Also, I imagine some things do not need to be of record.  However, I am pretty darned sure no one is reading this thing but me, and airing this this out (not so much in public, but out of my head) helps.

It is the weekend. My work is done until Monday. Tomorrow, (or the day after the day after tomorrow) is another day, and I can get to it then. That surely is true (I know, it is true, and don't call me Shirley) and now I have to do it convince the little grey foggy fellow who is hovering nearby.

On the other hand, the fiance of Chad Ochocinco did not make the cast of Dancing With the Stars.  Don't get me started on who did.  Actually, Carson Kressley is somewhat of a celeb, and I guess you could call Nancy Grace reasonably well known (though not, in my mind, for good reason) . Unfortunately, neither can dance. And neither can Chaz ( he who is massively over weight, has bad knees and can barely get around the dance floor-however brave he may be in his life choices)  Bono. The best dancers are JR and Ricki Lake. Both not BIG stars, but on TV in recognizable shows, I must admit. JR has as heroic story as anyone, and he can actually dance, bless him.

I digress, but that is the point of tonight's essay, to head in another direction, vs running (well trotting at a brisk pace) scared. Running is fine, but in the direction of progress, not in fear of loss or failure.

Besides, it got me writing again, and that is a handy skill to have. I read my prior posts and am encouraged that I have a decent turn of phrase.  A little bit of ego is good for the resolve, and for courage.

Famous for being famous, once removed: DWTS edition

OK, here is where I admit that I am a fan of Dancing with the Stars. From the first season, prior to which I thought it was a terrible idea (I thought it would be like Skating with Celebrities turned out to be), I was hooked once I watched. Each season, I would figure that the latest mix of knowns and not-so-knowns (at least to me) would not generate the interest of the previous season. Many a time I would wonder who at least a couple of the so-called celebs were. Yet, I often ended up a fan of one of the lesser knowns, and was usually wrong about the lesser interest.

I do wonder, however, about the rumored roster of "stars" of the season fast approaching. I am now accustomed to there being the requisite sports star, "reality star," older star...but the latest rumors include in the potential line up (I kid you not) the brother of a reality star ( a male Kardashian...I did not know there was one living) the fiancee' of a sports star (she the betrothed of Chad Ochochino, who danced a season or so ago) and, (can you get further removed) the former girlfriend of George Clooney. Can you say stretch credulity, boys and girls?...Of course, it is all speculation ( like the rumor that Queen Latifah was going to be on, currently and unfortunately being denied by QL herself) but Great Googly Smoogly, how broadly CAN you define a term like star? A relative of a "sort of" star? The fiancee' of a football player? The one time girlfriend of a movie star? Hoo boy. I guess too many of the REAL stars like Queen L said no darned way.

I mean, realllllly, now. The brother of a reality "star?" I didn't know there was was a boy in that family (and no, step father Bruce does not count..here or there) and reality star (I am having trouble with that star thing--I know all about building a brand, but didn't that used to mean you were SOMEbody first, and built that brand on that rep? How did we morph to the place where you build a brand from BEING a brand?? Marketing genius, I must admit, but still it annoys me beyond reason) Kim K is a minor constellation in my book , despite her mongo  wedding preps being all that dominate the entertainment news these days...PS, Access Hollywood, Entertainment tonight, and all your kin, I will be doing yoga during your alloted hour until you shut the living heck up about Kimmy and her momzilla and the ceremony for a marriage that I will bet you good money will not last past 2 years. But I digress.  To conclude this opinion piece on the notion that DWTS should be renamed "DWTS and their assorted hanger's-on".

To be fair, the actual cast remains to be seen. I am, however, wagering that a huge portion of America will stand as one and say "WHO?" upon the introductions of the "stars" this season. I am confident I will. 

The two definitions of "con"

Con: short for convict..often used in context of a former prisoner..as in  "ex con". Con is also used as a verb, being derived from the term "confidence man" To con someone is to gain their confidence and then swindle them. Sometimes the two uses of the word come together, as they surely do in the person of Barry Minkow. His latest fall from grace angers me, more than anything else because of his current expressions of remorse and self loathing. Not only do they ring hollow, they ring of familiarity .  It is the same song he sang when he wrote his first book about his prior fall and redemption.

He ran a con and money laundering outfit via his boy genius company ZZZZ Best in my childhood Reseda. He got caught , went to jail, found God and started a prison ministry. When released, he was given an opportunity to make good by two different churches, becoming the Senior Pastor of the second one. He wrote several more books, the latest of which having to do with how to avoid being defrauded, conned or swindled. He became, for all appearances, obsessed with catching other frauds. He started his own fraud squad (while still head of his church) and financed it by taking stock positions against the companies he was exposing. That part had me wondering if he was wandering near the edge.  Well, near the edge and off the cliff he was. He has been arrested and confessed to a number of charges of fraud and attempted extortion, even, if I understand correctly, stock manipulation. Better than all that, he used church funds (by forging documentation) to finance his dealings. 

Several stories have run in the local papers. He is quoted more than once beating his breast in self denigration, on how he blew it big time. You think, Barry?  You think? You used the office of the church to  cloak yourself in an air of redemption and respectability. You made a fortune of trumpeting your second chance, and then you blew that second chance to smithereens.

In what I believe to be  the ultimate example of irony, he was quoted in the paper in a story about a movie producer who is accused of taking production money to make indie films, and then pocketing much of it without producing the goods. He made what I can only term a vanity film with Minkow, which failed to come to light of day. Minkow called another investor and warned him against the producer. I guess you can't con a con, right? Or it takes one to know one.

Go to jail, Barry. And when you get out, I hope you go straight...but I don't want to hear about it. Not another book, not another movie, not another remorseful word. If your ego can handle it.

God help us

It is beyond my comprehension that anyone could give serious consideration to voting for a candidate who believes that being gay is "of Satan" and/or a mental disease that can (and should) be cured. Yet such are the views of the current media-christened "front runner" for  the Republican Presidential candidacy.  Demonizing our sisters and brothers and cousins and children is simply unacceptable to me. If your religious beliefs  leads you to the conviction  that homosexuality is against God's Law, I cannot hope to dissuade you. Good, then, don't be gay. But leave my friends and family alone. I have had it with the demonization of being gay.  Having not been successful in keeping homosexuality hidden or stifled in our society, opponents fan the flames of fear. "They" are out to get our children, to indoctrinate them, to to teach them to be gay via our schools, to destroy our institution of marriage... you know, that Gay Agenda. Of all the gay people I know the only mutual agenda they have is to be left the hell alone to live their lives, raise their children, and have the right to marry.

Wicked,  huh? It does not seem so much to ask. The fearful are not being asked to marry outside their beliefs, nor to do anything they do not wish to do with their lives...except to accept these other people's right to do the same. What is it to you if my gay cousin married his long time partner in a state that allows it, and formally adopted their foster child? Did the foundation of your own marriage shatter beneath your feet? If it did, your marriage was beyond repair long before then.

Citing history of unacceptance as the reason not to change now is self-serving at its core. "5000 years of human history" , say you?  Denial of equal treatment, refusal to recognize rights, and other such practices are easy to codify as "the way it has always been" when you are now among those to whom those rights have been granted. Does the right to vote ring a bell, Ms Bachmann? This was only granted to your sex less than 100 years ago. You would not be in a position to threaten the rights of others, had you not been granted your own. Imagine how the suffragettes felt when they were told that history supported those who denied them. Some were branded as "hysterical" and mentally disturbed. No, really.

God help the Republican Party if she remains their front runner. God help us all if it gets farther than that.

As I said in the first paragraph, it is beyond my comprehension...but unfortunately not beyond imagination. The stuff that nightmares are made of.

July, already?

I swear it was just January.  Then it was June, and (first sign of summer) Wimbledon, then the summer season of SYTYCD, 4th of July...and now, within a month of my annual vacation to the shiny beaches of Coronado. It is hot and humid here right now, and I swear I can hear the salty breezes calling to me.

I have already been to Seattle in March and June, and will hit NY sometime in the Fall.  I hope it is the sign of a busy life, rather than advancing age that this year seems to have passed so quickly.

I really cannot believe that oh so soon, Sis and I will be driving up to the hallowed halls of my beloved Del. I can see the lobby, smell the salt air...the scent of Coronado.

BTW, another sign of summer, aside from two weeks of watching tennis from the Wimbledon Lawn Tennis Club, is my dragging the portable a/c in from the garage and setting it up in my room. That, and my making studied notes on the Top 14 of SYTYCD.  Oh, and my plum jam!  I do love this season. (Except in AZ..sorry, desert residents).

Someone save me a lounge chair by the "quiet pool."

The Way It Ought To Be

"I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring out." ~ Roy Croft ~

This is a version of a quotation I remember from Wuthering Heights. I recall it saying something to the effect that "I love you not just because you are beautiful, but who I am when I am with you." Apologies to Emily Bronte for the paraphasing.  Or to Mr.  Croft for my memory crosswire. In any case, I value the sentiment.

Having ended a marriage nearly 17 years ago in which we (at the end) brought out only the worst in each other, for we could no longer see any good in the other: I  think the ideal is a partnership in which you wish and try to provide or assist in gaining only the best for each other. It is both selfless and selfish at the same time. If you are happy and fulfilled, so am I. Or so it should be.

I would like to think that it is not too much to ask. I also like to think it is still possible.

Charlie Sheen, do you HEAR yourself? Get a grip!

The trials and tribulations of those in show biz do not keep usually me up at night, though I do occasionally shake my head as they make headlines for some new foible. I do feel sad in my heart for children run wrong by their exposure to the glare of the floodlight.


However, I find myself yelling "oh for heaven's good sake" (or the testy equivalent thereof ) about Charlie Sheen and his current gutter crawl, and,  more than his actions, his recent words in which he seem to wonder what all the fuss it about.


Well let's see Charlie boy:


You have.....been charged with threatening your wife in the presence of your children, ..run riot in a NY hotel room a door or two away from your children, screaming threats and be all but incoherent when found, and then disparage the escort whom you paid to play because she dates men for money. ...partied in a stage of drug and/or alcohol intoxication until you collapsed in pain and have to have 911 called.  Then you check into "rehab" ...at home .  And let us not forget that you have been through  real rehab before, and only because your father turned you in in order to save your life. You were (or said you were) grateful. You have since careened through the above behavior, and then, (and this is what makes me throw things at the television) call in to your buddy's radio show to whine when they shut down production on your television show,.which seemed to come as a surprise to you. Why was the door locked? Oh gee, I don't know, Charlie, perhaps because you are a public train wreck? I can only marvel at the gall you display when you said that sobriety does not set well with you, and that they should catch you while it lasts, as it may not be long. You also pointed, with pride, mind you, to your belief that you had never shown up for work drunk. Tired perhaps, but not drunk. Tired...is that what the current term is for  the aftermath of a drug or alcohol fueled bacchanal? You marked it as the sign of the true pro that you made sure the stage directions called for you to lean on furniture to compensate.  Are we the only ones who think you are becoming your tragic/comedic series character in what passes for your real life?


OK, Charlie, either you are a better actor than I gave you credit for, and the recent radio comments are all said  in jest, or you are clueless as to the irony. If you were kidding, and realize what a mess you are, why do you not DO something about it? If you ain't kidding, you are one more bad party away from killing yourself , or doing something to someone else that will land you in jail. And what of whomever you do whatever it is to?


You are a mess, Charlie..one huge, pathetic, hanging on by one fingernail,  careless mess. You are not a charming rascal. You are a sot. Shut the hell up , go away, and get some help. No one wants to hear another story that includes , you, a party, drugs, alcohol, escorts, adult film stars .....because we are all sure that you are only one such episode away from  the next story being your obit.


If you really think that sobriety does not sit well with you, do you think that death becomes you? If you are beyond caring about that, then try (if only for the briefest of moments) to think of just whom you might be taking with you. 


They locked the doors because they do not want to continue to support your rapid decline by providing employment.  The public should stop watching you for the  same reason.