Realizing a couple of things.

 I came here to say what I had realized about my former husband, whom I usually spend zero time in any given week thinking about, having divorced him over a quarter of a century ago.  

I was distracted by that last two posts I made, which were 3 and 2 years ago. One was about my doctor, who is now leaving the practice.  The other was about my retirement, which had just begun. The good news is that I’m quite used to it now, having been assured by my financial lady that I will not run out of money. I miss bringing in new money, but am glad I was so diligent about saving for my retirement, which came sooner than expected. 

So, what I came here to note. I am reading Alan Cumming’s book Not My Father’s Son.  It is, in large part, about his father’s abusive ways. Somewhere along the way I realized that my ex was angry and emotionally abusive with and to those whom he thought could do nothing about it. He was a weak person, with no well of empathy or caring to draw upon. His father (actually his stepfather since he was three, although he did not know until he was 18, and never met his biological father) felt no kinship with him, and displayed primarily contempt for his wife, my former mother-in-law.  He led her to believe she had no choice but to stay with him. She believed him, but exacted her passive-aggressive bride price in her constant victimhood. She was not nurturing, and her son continued his stepfather’s contempt. 

He became toxic once there were any challenges or demands.  He resented me as his family resented each other.  Once I realized what I was modeling for my daughters, I divorced him. He was emotionally abusive to them until they were able to distance themselves.  I didn’t recognize it as weakness until now. He struck out at whomever he thought had no choice  Once we all exercised our choices, he had no power left.  Fortunately, my daughters (although he did some damage) are strong, and whole.  We won.  

The Doctor I wrote about.

 The doctor I wrote about in 2018, whom I was none to fond of, continued to be less than nurturing.  I kept swearing I was going to change, but never quite got to it, prior to the pandemic. I managed to get done what I mostly needed, but ran into a billing problem for annual blood tests because of a lack of diagnostic codes on the work request. I had to call back and forth between Medicare, the lab billing people, and my doctor’s office at length over weeks, and was not amused by the lack of substantive response from the office. I swore I would change doctors as soon as the billing was settled. Then I had mammograms that led to ultrasounds, which led to biopsies. Fortunately that all came out fine, and I waited to make sure the billing was not a problem. That finally happened, and I went in for a visit to get my refills and then look into switching. She was remarkably warm and fuzzy and seems on top of her game, which I found slightly confusing. Then I got the letter this week that she was leaving the practice. Of course she is. No wonder she was so cheery. So, now we will see whom I am offered. Fun times.