Nothing to fear but fear itself

I am under the impression that my job is in jeopardy. This impression has been hanging over my head  for over a year now. My boss was kind enough to further impress upon me the fact that my production numbers this year were "critical" , as said numbers were a point of focus this year. Having had aforementioned sword of Damocles over my head for the last many months, my nerves did not thank him for the reminder.

I tend to get , to understate the case, distracted by such concerns. I know that worrying will not help me do the things I need to do, but worry I nonetheless often do.

I worry that after so many years in my line of work that it would be difficult to get reemployed, I worry that my age is a factor, and that my health insurance goes with my job, etc etc etc.

Tonight, in preparing for the coming week's work (on the weekend, on my own time) I was organizing some paperwork and found a folder of recent policy memos. There are a ton. We seem to recreate policy and lay a paper trail monthly at least, lately. My job responsibilities have become deeper and wider than ever. In looking at all the policy memos ad infinitum I had the fleeting thought of "so fire me already," and the thought that it might even be a relief.

I don't really want to leave this job of so many years, and all the relationships, all the long experience. That would be a genuine loss. But that moment of imagined relief gave me perspective. Maybe not doing this until I retire might just be survivable.

I am going to try to keep that perspective so as not to work with a sense of doom.  Nothing to fear, but fear itself, said FDR? My current mantras all seem to be from WWII leaders. My shelves are adorned with Sir Winston's best. "When you are going through hell, keep going." And my favorite, "Never, Never, NEVER give up. "

Words to live by, and to survive by.

What this election is really all about.

I am so very tired of this election being represented as being about The Democrats wanting to take your hard earned money and give it to others who do not work, do not pay taxes and who are living off you with a sense of entitlement.

It is NOT just about the money, stupid!  It is about the RIGHTS that many in the Republican party want to take away from other because they do not believe in them.  The planks in the Republican platform that seek to outlaw abortion or prevent gay marriage are not acceptable to me. If it is your religious belief, then make those decisions for your own life. Stay out of the private lives of others. And don't give me that Sandra Fluke and all of you entitlement babies want " us" to pay for your sexual freedom crap.  We are not talking about who pays for these rights . We are talking about a party that wants to outlaw them.  Not on my watch.

Nevertheless and other mind wanderings

One of the things that I amuse myself with from time to time is the creation of new rock band names, and clever names for coffee places. Daily Grind and Perk U up are taken, as are good ones for Church run ones like Higher Grounds, Holy Grounds, and He-brews. I really love that last one.

I like band names like Sixpence None the Richer... literary sorts. Tonight I thought of Nevertheless, but it is taken. A definition of nevertheless includes "notwithstanding"  so there's a thought. Or perhaps None the less, but that borders on theft from None the Richer, don't you think? I will come up with a good one. Not Strawberry Alarm Clock or Lovin' Spoonful for me. oooh how about "Actually?" I could always annoy my mother and other sticklers (including me) with Irregardless, or Very Unique.

On coffee place names: From the Grounds Up?  Caffination Fascination?  eh...  Have a cuppa? Hubba cuppa? Hill o beans? It's Bean too long..argh. Brew 4 U?  Cafe Cofee? Hmm beans, grounds, grind, Grounds for ....? On what grounds? Daily espresso (taken) B and O espresso (Seattle) ...Cafe Tia lise? Cafe today...Au lait?  Ah well, I will keep on thinking. Power Howz? Powerhowz Cafe?

Ok , enough for now. I will add to this when I come up with the best ones.

This has been sitting in drafts for a cat's age. I came up with Working Theory tonight. as in "well the working theory is.."  I like it for a band name. I should look it up to see if anyone is using it. I know that the production company that produced Love Actually was Working Title , but I am hoping mine is an original thought.

I can dream can't I? More later .

The Power of Laughter, and of memory...

There was a commercial on tonight. I am not sure what it's theme had to do the Power of German Engineering, but it caught me. It was a lot of different people, ranging in age from toothless baby to toothless elder, all dissolved in laughter. It was contagious and caught me off guard with a memory of my father and I, collapsed in helpless laughter over a ridiculously silly joke. I remember my mother shaking her head in amused disbelief as we literally rolled on the floor, trying to stop while we held our stomachs and gasped for breath.  I was going to say that I could not remember the last time that I was caught up like that, but then I remembered Liz and I , out of control about another ridiculous story. Jen shakes her head at us. Maybe that kind of shared hilarity is genetic. It is a cherished memory of my father for me. I sure hope my kids will remember that kind of silliness, along with all the other parts of my parental legacy.

When is a rape not a rape? The Todd Akins theory.

Missouri Senate wannabe Todd Akins is an opponent of abortion, for any reason, even as a result of rape. I believe in choice, so we fundamentally disagree. However, when questioned on the subject, he said it was his understanding that pregnancy from rape was rare, and that it was his understanding "from  doctors " that in the case of  "a legitimate rape" that a woman's body could shut such a thing down.  Once I look into the authenticity of these so called doctors' credentials, I have one question for Akins. Just what in the hell is a legitimate rape? What is the other kind? A not really rape, rape? If a woman becomes pregnant as the result of a rape, does that imply that the rape was not really a rape? 

He has since claimed he misspoke. You think, Rep. Akins? I think you made your ignorance and astounding insensitivity crystal clear. Perhaps in revealing that you were unintentional. What part did you not really mean?  Please tell us so we can watch you frantically try to backpedal your way to distance from your notion that if a pregnancy results from a rape that the reality of the fact of rape may be in question. 

This bespeaks of an underlying opinion of women and rape that generates outrage. Or it should. 

Vin Scully and my Dad...the sounds of summer

These days, Memorial weekend is an observance, a time to be grateful for my life and the sacrifices of those who came before me. It also marks the coming of summer. One signpost for this tennis fan is the French Open, which is followed by my much loved Wimbledon in midsummer, and at summer's conclusion is the US Open. When I was young, I knew it was summer when I awoke to the sounds of my father mowing the lawn in the cool of the morning, and when dinner was on the patio to the voice of Vin Scully on the radio, calling the Dodgers game and singing the praises of "Far-mer John" . Daddy would barbeque, and we would sit out in the warm evening eating ribs and corn on the cob. Sometimes, when I walk out in a cool morning of what promises to be a hot day, espeically if there is a lawn mower running in the distance, I get that feeling of being out of school for the summer and of all that used to mean. Even now, listening to Vin Scully (still) call the Dodgers' home game I am taken back home to the patio on Stagg Street, and the how special summer was to that little girl who still lives in me. Happy Memorial Day, Daddy. I miss you.

How did we get there from here?

How did this happen? How did we come to a place where a man who said (out loud, I heard it) that contraception is dangerous, and said that a woman should accept a pregnancy that resulted from a rape as a " gift from God" could be considered a viable candidate for President of our country? I have noticed ( not the first, of course) that human behavior has a history of patterns of pendulum swings of action and reaction...as in reactionary. The Victorian Era followed by the Roaring 20's, the placid and conservative 50's and then the swinging 60's, civil rights movement, women's rights, etc. Clinton followed by Bush, followed by Obama. Sometimes you just can't take it anymore.

It frightens me that the current reaction is to call our president a Marxist, most of the Democratic party leftist , Communist, socialist, and to suggest that contraception for women is an optional party-favor that is the equivalent of a free ride to recreational sex at the public's expense if it is part of a health plan. Worse than that, a candidate that has been a serial liar and adulterer, and accused of fraud, protested in indignation that anyone should raise the subject of his suspect integrity. When did the Republican party come to be represented by such dreck? And why are people listening?

Did we women folk get too far out of the kitchen? Did we get too ambitious in who we elected? Did too many of "those people who are not like us" get too much power, or get too damned comfortable amongst us living their lives that are not like ours? I think perhaps too many people got too darned accepting. In fear, we passed a national law defining marriage in a way to make sure it excluded those other people. Churches who have allowed gay clergy find congregations leaving their denominations in protest. We made the mistake of making people's comfortable lives uncomfortable by acceptance of things they not only don't accept, and don't want others to accept, they don't want to have to see.

Freedom of religion has come to mean attempting to force others to conform to your world view, or at least doing your damnedest to make sure they cannot live their own.

I would say watch out for the reaction, but it already happening. Young people are disgusted by those who claim to speak for Christianity. They don't speak for all, but they are heard the loudest.

Likewise those that think it is their place to dictate when and if a woman gives birth, and or access to birth control. This is progress?

How did this happen? How did we let it?

How do we stop it?

Oh how I told you so..and other matters.

I was re-reading my recent posts, and chanced upon my comment about having had it up to my eyeballs with "news" stories about Kim K and her wedding, and the pending marriage that I predicted would not last 2 years. Whoa, talk about over estimation. 72 days...what a trouper!  Lord I could be just fine with NEVER hearing the name Kardashian again.

Another matter which is on my mind is the complete lack of irony or self awareness with which  many of the more conservative candidates and pundits are pronouncing  as an "attack on religious freedom"and an "attack on the constitution" the Obama healthcare mandate that religious organizations pay for contraception. Why is it an attack on the constitution for that, and  yet a moral imperative to prevent contraception or abortion to those in need of same because your religious beliefs prohibit it? We are fast approaching retracting women's freedom of individual choice back into the dark ages because the more conservative are gaining ground. I am no fan of abortion. I would hope these pregnancies could be prevented rather than ended. However, that is between that woman and God. Besides which, who can know the situation. It is not for us to legislate her moral and religious choices. Likewise, the cry to "preserve marriage" and family from the spectre of two people of the same sex marrying one another.I am Christian too, and I see very little in Christ's teaching that worried itself about that. Better we should feed the poor and care for one another and honor God.  I weary of those who would insert themsleves in other people's family lives, but see no irony in protesting when others do so against their own beliefs.

I think we could all much better spend our time feeding the poor than trying to interfere in others' private lives.