I am a talker. Have been since birth, if you asked my father, though my mother insists it was after 18 months that I stopped being shy with strangers.. Hoo boy has that ship sailed! I chat up people in the grocery store, in line at Disneyland, and (God help them ) people next to me in planes. Many find me charming, some no doubt wish I would just hush the heck up. I try to discern early on of which camp they are and restrain myself,
As I grow older I try not to be that one who goes on and on. Unfortunately I do not always succeed, espcially when in the company of loved ones. My kids occasionally remind me that I have indeed told the story before, or asked that question before. My family makes jokes about no one getting a word in edgewise, laugh about stories I tell on myself about talking to someone somewhere. I like to think that I have matured and mellowed, but...
Even at 60, no one wants to be thought of as trying or needing to be borne with out of love. We all do it for others we love, but would not say so to the person we are bearing with, because we love them. I guess we realize that others do it for us, but really don't want to know it.
Some self awareness is less desirable than other. I wonder if it is even possible to change enough for the narrative to be different. Even if I could curb a habit of 60 ( well 58 1/2 to be precise) years, my lifelong reputation precedes me.. If I were suddenly less talkative it would either be noticed and cause wonder at my anger or my illness...or (unless I went completely mute) not be noted due to the expectation that I would be speaking soon anyway. Or something like that.
In any case, I am not opposed to working on my flaws, but I do wonder if I have the capacity to stay focussed enough to retrain myself sufficiently to change perception. Especially of the people who love me, and have learned to bear with me. Which I wish I didn't know.
