A Summer Saturday

I forced myself to get up early this Saturday, in order to watch my beloved Wimbledon. It has been a very long week at work, with long days and impossible deadlines, and more tasks than any one person can do.  I am weary of others telling me, "well, I am out of the office (on vacation, on the road, at a conference...) so I need you to handle this".  Meanwhile I have a stack of things that must be done before I go on vacation, that I despair of getting done, and have no idea who or how to train someone to be the back up for the backup girl. See job  description, " maid of all work," and then some.

So, I got up, tired, and watched the Women's final ( you go, Serena!) and tried to perk up.  Then the Men's Doubles( no Bryan brothers, sigh.) and mostly felt like I just wanted to go back to sleep.  Two days off from work means I don't have to answer the phone or email, but I need to get a couple of work things done in order to be able to face a week of crushing volume and short deadlines.

And the world is not a pretty place this week. Two young black men were shot by police in, to say the very least, questionable circumstances, which were videoed.  Not surprisingly, protests rose up.  One in Dallas was seemingly under control under the carefully watchful eyes of the Dallas police.  Then some idiot ( not the right word, it will come to me) started shooting the Dallas police force.  As if that helps police all over the country be less likely to shoot first and ask questions later of the next black young men they stop.  It is so very sad( again, not a strong enough word) that families of color have to instruct their sons on how to carefully react to a police stop, however unjustified, so that they may live.  And I am infuriated that some knee-jerk jerk's first reaction is  that if they only had followed direction, if only they were  respectful, and on and on, ad nauseum.  Really!  You think not following directions is the issue here?

I try to remind myself that my problems are not life threatening, and the state of the world is something I can do my best to change by my attitude, by my words, by who I elect.

Then I made myself some strong tea and French toast and ate my spirit up a notch.  And again remind myself that my personal problems are not life and death, that I am in position to make a dent.  Not a huge dent, but a dent. By my words, spoken and written , by my support of those who can make a bigger difference than I can on my own.  Certainly by speaking out against the hate and fear. Even if it is only with my letters to the editor.  Someone will see them, maybe someone will think.

One starfish at a time.

Mothers Day and many more

I am looking forward to this Mothers Day and seeing my Mom, who is always so happy to see me.  She is 84, 85 in December, and I know she is not immortal, but neither can I imagine my world without her physical presence.  

I am reminded that the last Mothers Day that my father was alive, was one in which we had no idea that he would die of cancer before the year over, indeed that by Fathers Day, we knew that we would likely lose him before the next one,  which we did.  He was gone by October, just after his 75th birthday.

I will go to this Mothers Day aware that it could be the last I have with her, and fully expecting that she will live a very long time.  But appreciating every celebration.

Vengeance, one post at a time.

Old high school friends have found me on Facebook, via my connection with other old high school friends with whom I am also otherwise friends as well.  They made friend requests, and seem happy to have found me, so accept I do.  They are sweet to me, and "like" my posts, and all that.  The downside is that a number of the more recently acquired friends come from the extreme opposite of my politics.  They do not post overtly political things, which is good.  They do, however" like" and comment on a lot of posts and pages (which therefore pop up on my FB newsfeed) that make me grind my teeth.  So I either post a no doubt unwanted comment, or block that page going forward.

I am so verrrrrry tired of those with extremely conservative views who seem to be boiling out their hate and disrespect for our President.  The names, the degradation of any all things to do with him and his wife absolutely dismay me. I had a ton of disagreements with the most recent President Bush, but calling out his every move, his every blink, calling his wife names? I have never seen such a level of disgust for two human beings.  I am sure they are considered deserving of same by those who pour it out, but so much of it is knee jerk. The worst is thought first, because ," well, it's HIM, no wonder!"

Many have said that it is racial. It is hard to imagine what he could have done or been that would cause the entire cadre of the Republican incumbent  House to swear from day one that their goal was for him to fail.  A man well spoken, well educated, calm and gracious in manner met with so much utter disdain before he could move in.   A mere "community organizer" with "no experience" (senator, anyone?) with a foreign father, "Muslim ties".  And Trump is a viable candidate who is " refreshing?"

You have to wonder how much of our President's offense was not only being of the opposing party, but being well spoken ( who does he think he is?) , willing to admit America has flaws ("let's make America great again!...well, really, let's just find someone who will claim is is flawless and the best, no matter what it does, because to do otherwise is treasonous." ) and , black.  Trifecta!

Do you think my conservative old high school friends would understand if I unfriended  them just so I can't see the garbage they "like?"  Or shall I get my revenge by sharing and liking overtly liberal posts just to aggravate their friends?  Vengeance, thy name is Facebook.

A notice to my fellow Christians

I am posting this here, instead of Facebook, because I am not quite sure what the consequences would be, nor if I am ready to reap them. However I just have to say:

Those of my Christian friends who feel that the recent Supreme Court ruling declaring the right of same sex couples to marry is a blow against religious freedom: do not expect sympathy or support from me if you post about your fear that the great Gay Agenda will cause long lines in front of your church ready to sue your pastor or church if you refuse to host their wedding. I also do not need your patriotic posts reminding me of the Christian faith of the Founding  Fathers.

I also do not need posts of pastors explaining to all of good faith to bear with this challenge and love the sinner, if not the sin.  How very good of you to lump in a person's sexuality with all those other amoral sins.  I sure all my gay friends and family will rush to church now that you have explained it is just another sin to be cleansed of.

Lastly, if you want to drive me from the church, please post that pastor's 40 questions to ask we wrong  headed Christians to demonstrate to us chapter and verse why homosexuality is against God's  Law and Christ's teachings.  I am not interested in a Biblical throw down.  What do you really expect the result to be?  I will say, oh silly me, there are those verses that prove that all these people are wrong and should either switch sides or be celebate...and I am to support them?

I am a Christian because I believe His death saved me by Grace.  I believe that to be the central teaching of the Bible.  If you persist with quoting me chapter and verse  as  to why I should turn my back on same sex couples, and fear or undermine their right to marry, be careful what you wish for.  I will have to say that I reject the teaching of the Bible and therefore be an unchurched Christian if there is such a thing

What I really want to say is. Get the hell over it, and get out of the way. Cluck and tsk amongst yourselves if you must.  But if you persist in doing your best to convince me that I am not good Christian if I accept homosexuality and the rights of gays to marriage, then maybe I need to leave the church as you define it.

Mother's Day and other maternal rewards.

Just about the time I was feeling sorry for myself that my daughters live 1000 and 3000 miles from me, and would not be near for Mother's Day, lovely flowers arrived.  They were accompanied by a sweet note wishing a great day from " way too far away."  Same daughter made a touching post to Instagram about her having sympathy for all the rest of the world ( with the exception of her  sister) who cannot claim me as mother.

My other daughter included in her ( handwritten no less) thank you for her birthday gifts a thank you for me being me and being a great supportive understanding Mom.  She said when she thought of me and how she would likely grow up much like me, she was all right with that.

I wanted to get my superhero cape out of mothballs.

These are things you hope for.  That your children not only love you back, but think that you were a good mother to them. Praise like that will take you through a lot of worry and concern that comes with the role.

Habits of a lifetime.

Anyone with any self awareness knows they are flawed. We work on improvement, deflect said self awareness with humor, forgive yourself, but don't ignore.

I am a talker. Have been since birth, if you asked my father, though my mother insists it was after 18 months that I stopped being shy with strangers.. Hoo boy has that ship sailed!   I chat up people in the grocery  store, in line at Disneyland, and (God help them ) people next to me in planes.  Many find me charming, some no doubt wish I would just hush the heck up. I try to discern early on of which camp they are and restrain myself,  

As I grow older I try not to be that one who goes on and on.  Unfortunately I do not always succeed, espcially when in the company of loved ones.  My kids occasionally remind me that I have indeed told the story before, or asked that question before.  My family makes jokes about no one getting a word in edgewise, laugh about stories I tell on myself about talking to someone somewhere.  I like to think that I have matured and mellowed, but...

Even at 60, no one wants to be thought of as trying or needing to be borne with out of love.  We all do it for others we love, but would not say so to the person we are bearing with, because we love them.  I guess we realize that others do it for us, but really don't want to know it.

Some self awareness is less desirable than other.  I wonder if it is even possible to change enough for the narrative to be different.  Even if I could curb a habit of 60 ( well  58 1/2 to be precise) years, my lifelong reputation precedes me..  If I were suddenly less talkative it would either be noticed and cause wonder at my anger or my illness...or (unless I went completely mute) not be noted due to the expectation that I would be speaking soon anyway.  Or something like that.  

In any case, I am not opposed to working on my flaws, but I do wonder if I have the capacity to stay focussed enough to retrain myself sufficiently to change perception. Especially of the people who love me, and have learned to bear with me.   Which I wish I didn't know. 

Arrogance or ignorance?

To vaccinate or not to vaccinate has become a national debate, due to the recent outbreak of measles that began at D land.  Some parents have not shaken the fear brought on by the now discredited study that linked vaccines to autism, and the anecdotal "evidence " by those whose children have had reactions or what they believe to be damage due to the vaccines they received.  I don't think any logic is going to dissuade those parents. (I know that some children are truly allergic to the vaccines or immune compromised and cannot be vaccinated, and they depend on the rest of us to keep them safe.)

 However, the argument against vaccines that infuriates me to the point of wanting to reach into the newspaper or Internet and shake the perpetrators,  is the one that makes the claim that vaccines are no longer needed, because the diseases involved have been irradicated ....and that the diseases only persist in"third world countries."  What exactly do they think brought us to this point?  Magic? God's will?  Clean living?  How about vaccines and modern medicine?  One mother, even when brought to the facts said that she felt her children were strong enough to survive the illnesses because they were well fed and got plenty of sleep. She preferred to raise them in a more "natural and organic" way. I imagine that there was not a more natural and organic way of life that our early days of family farms.  Yet the infant and toddler mortality rate was far higher than now.  Children died of diphtheria, tetnus, pneumonia, measles, smallpox....all now preventable.

The parents who think that their children are safe enough in our "first world" country are  eroding the very herd immunity that they rely on, and bringing doom to the weaker population like the infants or elderly who cannot survive the disease that their "healthy"child may pass to them as they survive it.

Worse than this misguided way of thinking is the idea that those that can survive the diease will survive due to their strength, health, and good genes, and those who don't fulfill Darwnian theory.  I actually read one man's opinion that you are either immune or you are not.  You die or you don't.  Good God.  The "the hell with the rest of you " theory of living in society.  Like that man, I have several people in my ancestry that lived long lives in times when many died in infancy.  That never caused me to think I was singled out by nature for special consideration.  I cannot believe that if his child stepped in a rusty nail or was bitten by a rabid dog that he would tell them that if they were strong enough that they would survive it.

Willful ignorance or such arrogance is all well and good if you chose only for yourself or (Lord help them) your children.  But choose  to endanger the weaker because you are sure your kids are stronger than any formerly eradicated disease, and it becomes our business.  Unless you intend to home school your children or never take them to a theme park, you are a threat and an invitation to these former scourges of childhood to return with a vengeance.